Sad.

I found out yesterday that a friend of mine from high school died this week. She was the best kind of person. She was sweet, funny, caring...I can't think of one bad thing about her. But I suppose that often happens when someone passes, doesn't it? Well, she was still an amazing person. Smart, but not stuck up about it. Sweet, but not in that saccharine way that gives you a headache. A bit shy, but still quite kind and friendly. I haven't heard from her in several years, so the pain isn't that sharp stabbing kind. It's the dull kind that sneaks up on you and makes you a little numb, but not numb enough to not hurt.

Yesterday when I found out I sat on my couch, not sure what to do. Ben was, miraculously, still napping. I didn't want to do anything. I couldn't watch TV, waste time on the computer, have a snack. None of my usual after-work winding down activities sounded appealing. So I pulled out the yearbooks. I started with sixth grade and worked my way up to my senior year. Nostalgia is a funny thing. It's this strange mixture of memories and forgotten moments and people. All the boys and popular people that wrote...people that I felt like I lived and died to have write something wonderful and welcoming. My best friends...only one of which I can now say I'm close to. The others have changed. A couple of people that I spent seemingly every waking moment with, now reduced to Facebook friends that spent a couple of messages catching up on the years we lost track of each other. Teachers that I despised because other people made fun of them, so I bought it. But a lot of happy memories, too. Sleepovers and laughing and calling boys then hanging up when they answered.

In the midst of car problems, work problems, trying to pack with extremely limited time, and actor drama, I got lost in my past. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, yet. But I miss Karyn, and I'm sad that she passed away before we could at least become Facebook friends that read status updates and look at pictures.