Please Don't Take My English Degree Away

I've been in a tantrum-y mood lately. Yesterday I found out that Google is killing Reader. I pitched a toddler-like fit. Yes, I know there are other readers. Blah blah blah I DON'T LIKE CHANGE. And I like that with Google I have everything--email, calendar, blogging, reading blogs, creating documents, getting driving directions, making dinner...but now that's OVER. Waaaaaa. My first world problems are SO HARD.

Today my tantrum is birthed of righteous indignation. It's about grammar. And before you get all judge-y, you should know that no one is as hard core about the preservation of our sacred (hybrid, ever-changing, bastardized) English language. I fly into fits of rage when people misuse homophones, and the switching of verb tenses within narratives makes me die inside. And when people say things like "Me and my mom went to the mall," I may or may not unfriend them.

So here's how today went down. I was reading Beowulf with my students. I was sitting in my rocking chair, the students were sprawled out on the floor, and we were just reading. It was delicious. Occasionally we'd pause and talk about Robert Nye's need to use a simile or alliteration twice per sentence, or talk about something meaningful like character or theme or symbolism or seriously how gross is Unferth. Our current grammar unit is verbals. So when I came across "jutting jaw," I paused to roll my eyes at the 986th use of alliteration in that paragraph, and to do a quick grammar tie-in. So I asked them what "jutting" was in that sentence. Blank stares. Like I just grew an extra head. A green one. I mentioned something about a verb ending in -ing acting like an adjective. "Ummmm....an adverb?" Sigh. No, guys. It's a participle. Remember? We've been talking about them for a week? Murmurs of "oooooh" and we moved on.

Then I was thinking about it on my way home. Thinking about participles and how teaching them is like beating my head against a wall, and why is that? That's when it occurred to me. Because they're hard. They're kind of confusing. And you know what else? So are transitive and intransitive verbs. And adverbial phrases.

Now, look. I'm really good at grammar. When I took Advanced Grammar as an English major in college (which, by the by, was when I learned about transitive and intransitive verbs) I was everyone's tutor. I'm a big dork. Grammar is the math of English, and I totally geek out over it. I have no problem understanding participles. But I'm 33, and I have a degree in English. My students are 12. They struggle with remembering to write their name on their papers. They write "u" for "you" in their essays (damn internet). So it's really hard for them. And you know what? I couldn't think of a single reason why they would need to know what a participle is. Or transitive and intransitive verbs. (I'm going to take a wild guess and say that unless you, too, have a degree in English and teach it, you probably don't know what they are either. It's okay. I forgive you.) But seriously. There is a heck of a lot of grammar in our textbook that is wholly unnecessary for seventh graders. So why the frick are we torturing them with it?

I say we focus on the necessities (which, if you're curious, start at chapter 8 in our textbook). Subject/verb agreement. Proper punctuation. Verb tense consistency. Homophones. You know, grammar skills that are vital in being an affective writer and actually not getting laughed out of freshman comp (or looking stupid on facebook). Let's save appositives for high school.

Who's with me?!?!?!?

March Madness

Before you judge me for constantly promising you that I will catch up with blogging but never do it, you should know that I have so little free time it's ridiculous, and when I do finally get a few minutes, Husband is on the computer. This is why I only blog when I'm at home with sick children. It's the only day wherein I have enough time to parent, keep up with my sewing job, and watch "Dawson's Creek". (I'm using my iPad right now, so you're going to have to let the improper punctuation go.) It's also the only time I have computer access. I'll go ahead and tell you that that's also the reason I never respond to Facebook messages. Yes, I just said that after saying I have an iPad, and that I'm currently using it. I want you to know that I hate typing on my iDevices. Hate it. The pad isn't as bad as the phone. But still. Torture. So this post should be very meaningful to you. And before you tell me I can get the keyboard that goes it the iPad, let me just interrupt to tell you that no, I can't. Knowing they exist and having the money to purchase one are two different things. And if I had $100 to spend on a keyboard for my iPad, I would rather spend it on yarn. Or a vacation. Dang, I need a vacation.

Which leads me to the body of this little post. We have been very busy bees. So busy I will probably be crawling in a hole soon. But for now I'm staying afloat. I coach Ben's AYSO soccer team now. (Yes, you read that right. Stop laughing. Seriously, shut up.) So Monday evenings and Saturday mornings we can be found on the soccer field. If you come by to watch and you want to know which one is Ben, he's the one kicking the ball in the other team's goal. Or picking up the ball and taking it some place where there aren't so many people trying to kick it. He's got a really good coach.

Work has been getting a little out of hand. In the last couple of weeks I had a student writing contest at a local university (my student won!), the jog-a-thon, the talent show, the end of the trimester, and other stressful things. This week I have open house, report cards, the book fair, and a committee meeting at the district office. Next week is conferences. To top it off, Emma seems to get sick every Friday. But while it's been busy and stressful, a lot of it has been fun. The writing contest was a great experience (even if I did have to leave early because Emma was barfing at daycare). The jog-a-thon was fun (even though I'm on meds that apparently make me allergic to the sun and crave human blood...maybe not last very last part...). At least I didn't pee my pants. And I always love the talent show. This one was particularly fun because the staff surprised the kids with the Harlem Shake.

Home life has been fun. Despite the back to back illnesses, we've managed to squeeze in some good times.

Now I have to go because Emma is up. Remind me to tell you about how one of you should have reminded me that the Terrible Twos are a myth, and that the Terrible One and a Halfs are much worse.