Square Peg, Round Hole

I am an introvert. There, I said it. I find comfort in solitude. I re-charge my batteries alone. I need Me Time to survive and thrive. Being around people is work. I’m not a misanthrope or anything; I like people. I even love many of them. But I need time to myself in order to remain sane. I think this is something much of the world doesn’t understand, and therefore judges. Any time a perceived difference in a human being is detected, that person is declared “weird” and “wrong.” But I’m just going to put this out there: introversion is not a disease. It is not a form of social retardation. It is not a personality defect. It is simply a characteristic that is hardwired into certain individuals.

End of Public Service Announcement.

Now that we all are in agreement that being an introvert does not merit a scarlet “I”, let’s talk about the effects of too much socializing on an introvert. You know how when babies are overstimulated they start crying and getting aggressive? That’s what happens to introverts (or at least this one) when the alone time doesn’t happen. I cease to function. I do not get recharged and I shut down.

So that is where I stand today. I’m not sad, I’m not hurting, I’m not depressed. I’m simply overstimulated and in desperate need of solitude. Being a wife and mother (two roles that I love and wouldn’t trade for anything in the universe) necessitates a significant decrease in Me Time. Living in a tiny home doesn’t help. Add a week of near- constant social time with teaching, three amusement parks in three days with a half a dozen people and a cranky toddler, and a birthday party? Oy. I broke down after park #3 on my way to the birthday party, which I ended up missing because I was a disaster. I am not built for this.

Please don’t misunderstand: I enjoyed the time spent with family, and our whirlwind tour of the Best of Southern California was fun-filled. But at the end of it all, I am an empty shell of a person that is hiding in the corner of her classroom while her students do an independent study project because if she has to talk to one more person, particularly a hormonal adolescent, she will throw up and cry, partly because of the talking, partly because of the throwing up.

I need a square hole to crawl into, STAT.

I wrote this post on Monday. It is now Friday. That's the kind of week it's been.