In the Light of Day

Wow. I post what I think is certainly a big Pity, Party of One rant about my lame day, and all of Christendom has arrived to help. This morning I woke up to a half dozen facebook posts and text messages from friends offering to help, as well as status updates to their friends asking for help. I am deeply moved and touched by the response of our "extended family."

In the midst of the outpouring of offers to help, though, I am in a bit of a conundrum. Everyone is eager to help and wants to know what they can do, and I honestly can't think of anything. The things that we need most are, unfortunately, not really things that human beings are in a position to provide. I desperately need sleep. I need to be a stay-at-home mom so I can focus on caring for her, but I also need to be a working mom so I can take breaks. This probably sounds stupid, but in those brief spans of time where, by some miracle of God, both children are sleeping, I generally end up sleeping too, but it really is a difficult decision for me. Because it means that I honestly never get to do something I enjoy. I have to choose between cleaning, sleeping, and doing Fun Time (reading, knitting, watching TV, etc.). I miss doing those things. I need to be able to do those things occasionally so I feel human. I need answers to Emma's struggles. I need her to feel better. I need Ben to have not woken up sick this morning so I could have taken him to preschool and focused on caring for Emma and getting some rest. I need Emma to stop coughing so she can sleep. I need her to not be so crabby from sleep deprivation so I can actually put her down and do something. I need for Emma to have actually taken a morning nap, not just snooze for 15 minutes then wake up coughing, unable to fall back asleep. I need today to go in a much different direction than it seems to be heading. I need to not be an introvert with stranger anxiety so that I'm not so overwhelmed with now needing to respond to and manage all of the amazing offers of assistance.

But I can't change any of those things. And none of those are really things that anyone can make happen.

Just to help the Helpers, I will give you about half of my ridiculous To-Do List. The rest are non-essentials that I would like to accomplish in the not too distant future, so I am omitting those. If you feel like you can do any of these things, or watch the kids so that I can, let me know.

I'm home today, and I have Monday off from work. I have a nice, long weekend to process and figure things out, and wait to see what's going to happen with the babysitter with the broken arm. This is a good thing.

• call insurance re: car accident (a woman backed into me in the parking lot at B's school last week. We were all fine--but the car has some minor needs)
  
• mail the box taking up my living room
  
• put box of Christmas stuff in the garage
• buy 10 ' internet cable for my classroom
• upload pics to Costco
• order prints for frames, including B & E's 1st year
• order prints in general
• build Ikea closet thing
• replace car battery
• get front passenger leak checked out/fixed
• sort/box/bag B & E's old clothes & deliver
• clean/organize garage so we can actually park in it
• put up last set of lights in backyard
• taxes
• Dust, vacuum, and clean the bathrooms
• paint the house and put up the pictures/shelves/etc. that are littering the floors
• get pants for E

Some of these (the painting, the pictures, etc.) probably don't sound like needs as much as desires. But we moved a couple of months ago, and this place still isn't a home. It bothers me. I'm not comfortable in my house because it feels like we've been in transition for months. Anyway, they're not essential for survival, which is our current focus, so there you go.

One step at a time, right?