How the Two Boys I Love Most in this World Are Slowly Killing Me

I'm tired. Exhausted. Sleepy. Like literally I could go to sleep at any given moment of any day. Because of two people, both handsome gentlemen with whom I share a residence, that love me but don't know how to show it at night.

Matt snores. Like an army of lumberjacks taking down the rain forest. All night. I've tried sleeping on the couch on the bad nights, but even with the bedroom door closed I can hear him. And the couch is uncomfortable. So really I can't win. On top of it, Benjamin is on a sleep strike. He goes to bed just fine, and sleeps decently through the night. But he wakes up at 5:00, maybe 5:45 when I'm lucky. And he now only takes a half a nap. Here's the deal--if he were doing this and still functioning normally, I would be bummed but I would accept the fact that my child doesn't need as much sleep as I wish he did. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Any time we get in the car, no matter what time of day, he falls asleep. Even if it's for a five minute drive to the store. Additionally, any moment of the day that he is not falling asleep he's whining, screaming, yelling, throwing things, and in generally acting like Satan. Obviously he is in tune with his sleep needs.

We've tried putting him to bed later. No dice. We've instituted martial law before 7am--no TV, no toys, no lights, no food. Seriously, his only options are to go to sleep or lay there bored out of his mind for two hours. Guess what he picks? We haven't made it yet to Home Depot to get the nightlight on a timer deal, but given his response to every other measure we've taken, I have serious doubts as to whether or not it will work.

So between the snoring and the early waking and growing a person, I honestly haven't slept in weeks. Right now I actually feel like I might fall out of this chair. I can't drink coffee, I can't take sleeping pills...I'm just left to lie there all night, listening to the chainsaws and waiting for the "Mommy!" alarm and thinking about how in 22 weeks I will also be getting up every hour and a half to feed a screaming newborn, who, given my luck, will, like his or her brother, have colic. I am in hell.