Happy Birth Day, Dear Emma

I would like to spare you the gory TMI details of Emma's dramatic entrance into the world. Many people are asking for the story, however, so I will try to compromise. If you are uncomfortable with words like dilate and contraction and centimeter, this may not be the post for you. In fact, it may not be the blog for you. So guys, feel free to divert your attention here.

So as for the contractions, they'd been hanging around for three and a half weeks. As of last Friday at my appointment I was dilated to 4cm. On Tuesday the contractions picked up the pace and intensity and became fairly regular. After a few hours (I wanted to make sure they stuck around--we've had false starts before) I called and they told me to come in. So we loaded up and headed to the hospital around 2:00, dropping Ben off at our friends' on the way.

Things were pretty busy in the baby area, so we had to hang out in the waiting room for a while and wait for a room. Pretty much this was the best part ever. For a couple of reasons. A) The E! True Hollywood Story on The Kids of Dawson's Creek; B) Easily the most awkward moment you can have in a labor and delivery waiting room. At this particular hospital, when you check in you go into a small waiting room and pick up a phone on the wall, which calls the desk inside the ward and they come and get you. While Matt and I were watching Everyone Hates Chris (sadly, we only caught the last half of THS), a man and his laboring wife came in. She seemed to be in the middle of a contraction, and, sadly for her, she was not keeping her spirits up quite like I was. Maybe she isn't a big fan of Chris Rock. Or maybe because she is married to a tool. Because as she sat down, her stud of a husband picked up the phone and said, "I'm here with my wife, Karen M---." Then the laboring wife said, "Bridgette." Then he said, "Oops...I mean Bridgette M---." Then he turned to a very uncomfortable Matt and I and said, "Oops. Karen's my ex-wife." Then Bridgette said, "He did that last time, too."

O.M.G.

They went inside and got checked in, then had to come back out and wait with us. And I thought contractions were painful. Sheesh.

Of course contractions are painful. Which is why I was bummed that I continued to have them every three to five minutes for another seven hours and only dilate to 5cm. That's 1cm. In seven hours. They kept offering me an epidural, and I kept telling them I was tough so back off.

At 9:30pm, after a thousand contractions, two walks around the hospital, and 1cm, they admitted me and said they'd go ahead and help speed the process. At 1:30am they put me on pitocin. I continued to refuse the epidural. By 7:45am I had dilated a half a centimeter. I told my nurse I held her personally responsible. I began to think that I was going to have to reach in there and pull out my baby myself. But I didn't. At 8:00am, they broke my water instead.

That's when Mt. Doom opened up and I was swallowed by the fires of Mordor.

The contractions came every minute or two and were so intense and painful I seriously thought I was going to die (or kill someone). I begged for the epidural. They said I had to go through 20 minutes on an IV and the anesthesiologist would come. I said I couldn't. My mom and Matt said I could. But I didn't have to. Because 10 minutes into the bag I could feel Emma's head between my legs.

This is where things get crazy and fuzzy. I will sum up for you: In 45 minutes I went from 5cm to 10. Then I had to hold her in for 10 minutes while nurses frantically scrambled to get the midwife and whatever other crap was necessary to not have a baby on the floor. After 5-10 minutes of pushing, at 9:16am, my beautiful and totally worth it baby girl was here, on my chest, making me fall completely in love and forgiving her for giving me a tour of Hades. We cuddled while I got stitched up, and the rest of the day and night somehow went by. My mom brought Ben after lunch, and after the longest/quickest delivery ever, it was easily the most emotional and incredible time for me. Matt took a video, which is stubbornly refusing to upload, that makes me sob like a little girl every time I watch it.

So that's our story. We're home now with our little princess while Ben gets spoiled by his grandparents. He will come home this afternoon, which I can't wait for because I miss him like crazy. We're tired, I'm sore, but dang-it if we don't have the best finishing medal ever. She's healthy, doing great, and is so far presenting none of the high-maintenance issues her brother did. I'm doing well, Matt is incredible, and I can't wait for Ben to come home so we can start our new life. Also so he can maybe start doing chores.

You probably want some pictures.