I'm That Mom

I've never really been into type-specific ministries or activities. Okay, I've never been into "women's" type-specific ministries. There are a number of reasons for this: I don't like pink, I'm not into mother/daughter matching clothes, I'm not really big into flowers and doilies and those kinds of things, I don't like Christian historical romance novels, and I don't like being pigeon-holed. There is way more to me than woman and mom. I'm no ultra feminist, believe me. If I had my way I'd be a stay-at-home mom while my kid(s) was (were) little and not yet in school, I don't mind cooking, and I like shopping occasionally. But I often get frustrated by all of the boxes women are fit into. Some of them are natural, and I get that. But why must I always read the "How to be a woman of God" books? Why can't I just be a child of God? Why must Proverbs 31 be the only Bible passage that I need to know? And growing up there was always this expectation that I would find a man and make some babies. Like all of the other parts of me were just ways to kill time. And now that I am a wife and mother the expectation is that I will continue making babies, quit my job, and go to mommy and me groups and play groups and women's groups. Not that any of those things are bad...I think they serve a great and wonderful purpose for many women. And I think it's important to be a great woman, wife, and mother. I love all three, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I just don't like that often the assumption is that my identity is founded entirely within that model. Betty Draper, if you will.

Part of me is also bitter because most women's and moms groups are during weekday mornings, thus effectively shutting out working moms. Because if you're not a stay-at-home-mom, you're not REALLY a mom.

Anyway, I digress. This has been, and probably always will be, a major source of tension and difficulty in my mothering journey; maintaining the identity I painstakingly constructed the 28 years before I became a mother. As a result, I've avoided things like women's and mom's ministries, mommy and me classes, and playdates. I participate in ministry and I do many things with my son, but I still want to have coffee with my friends...with and without my son. But lately I've been getting, okay let's just be honest, bored. A one year old is not necessarily always riveting company. Sometimes I want to have conversations that involve real words and are not about poop and sleep. And so I've recently ventured into the mom world.

Last week I went to the beach with Ben's future caretaker Molly, her kids, and a bunch of other moms and kids. I went to the mall and had lunch with my very good friend Melissa and her three-year-old Selah. The next day I had my new friend Brandi and her eleven-month-old Adalee over for playtime. Yesterday I went to the park with the former and her friend and friend's eleven-month-old. The playdates have commenced. And I have to say, I mostly like it. It feels a little strange to be doing the MOM thing. I've made two new mom friends, both with daughter's Ben's age. And next week we're going to the zoo. But I've really enjoyed myself.

I still know that I'm still the me I was before I was a wife and mother. But now I'm those things too, and it's time for me to embrace that and join the others. My life in isolation is now making me a crazy person, and I need to get out of my comfortable bubble and play the mom game. Besides...it's also good for Ben to play with other kids, and talking about poop and sleep and what my kid is eating is good sometimes. And maybe these two new friends and I will get to know each other well enough to talk about other things, too. Like how to be a woman of God.