Just Another Manic Monday

--Do you know what's awesome? When your kid sleeps in.

--Do you know what's sad? When you think 6:00 is sleeping in.

--In a sad twist of irony, I felt baby girl move for the first time at a BTSA meeting a couple of weeks ago. Now I feel her fairly frequently. I love it. :)

--I'm gaining weight. Slowly but surely, I'm inching in the right direction. I had a phase a few weeks back where all I wanted was hot dogs--specifically Hebrew National ones. That was the first week I gained my recommended pound a week. Matt mocked me incessantly and insisted that our daughter would weigh ten pounds and have high cholesterol. I gave up the hot dogs. I lost my pound. I laughed in Matt's face and bought a pack of hot dogs. Okay, no I didn't. But I wanted to.

--I'm on a knitting streak. Last weekend (I think) my step-sister came down to my mom's for a visit and brought her knitting. I kind of got burnt out for a bit because I've been working on this blanket for Ben which I shall call Mt. Everest. It's my own fault--I found this incredible yarn, with which I had to make something incredible. So I took a pattern I liked and changed the stitch to one that's a pain in the butt but really pretty and made it bigger. It's soft and gorgeous and life-changing in its awesomeness--but it's taking forever. Anyhow, when she pulled out hers I got all inspired again and pulled Everest back out. I knocked out a huge chunk and decided to preemptively take a break to knit something else for a while so I don't hit the wall again. But this prompted a serious crisis about colors, pattern, stitch, and type of yarn for Baby Girl's blanket. I will spare you the knitting nerd details, but I landed on a yarn that's the perfect color but a less-than-perfect material and a self-invented pattern. I'm some kind of masochistic knitter, apparently. I'm now on the hunt for the perfect yarn for the perfect blanket, which I'm guessing will end up making a great graduation gift for her, just like Everest will probably make a great graduation gift for Ben. College graduates like baby blankets, right?

--The end of the trimester at school is this Friday, which means five days of "What can I do for extra credit?" and "Here's my pile of missing work; can you grade it right now so I don't get grounded?" I love my job, but just like any job, there are good parts and not-as-good parts. I'll let you figure out which part this is. Maybe I'll just bring my knitting and sit at my desk until it's over and I can go back to showing pretty Renaissance art and pretending to be Don Quixote, generally acting like an idiot in front of a captive audience.

--Matt is now scheduled to (probably) leave this Thursday morning, which means that my first weekend alone with Ben during his trip will probably be rainy. I'm thinking we'll do our potty training boot camp, which requires staying home for a couple of days, and which we've never fully committed to because we don't like to sit around at home for two days. Prayers are welcome.

--The change in Matt's trip has thrown a serious wrench in the whole daycare transition for Ben. I honestly have no idea what the plan is at this point. Prayers are welcome.

--On the possible plus side of Matt's trip: I'm actually looking forward to some quiet alone time. Although within two days I will be hopelessly lonely. But maybe I'll make some headway on those graduation blankets.

--Ben is getting freckles, and they are absolutely adorable, and Ben is convinced they are boo-boos and hates them.

--Daylight savings finally came. It did not solve our sleep problems. Oh well. We went to Disneyland anyway, and it was fun. Except for two things: The Incredibles scaring the pee out of Ben and the Tram Nazi who takes his job way too seriously. Actually, I take that back; the latter was kind of funny--in the I wouldn't dare laugh while he's standing there but will definitely mock him for the rest of time kind of way. He insisted that everyone--including the two tiny humans in our car---be seated still, backs against the seats, feet on the floor. He wouldn't let me cross my legs or let Ben lean against Matt or let the little girl next to me lean forward to get her chapstick from her dad. True story. Poor guy.

The start of The Incredibles show.

A couple of minutes in to the Incredibles show. Moments later he started to actually cry, and we left. :(

Hanging up the Superwoman Cape

I can't see myself, but apparently it goes something like this: the color drains from my face, my body goes limp and pale, and my eyes glaze over. That is when Matthew knows my body is shutting down. That is why I am on the couch with my fancy new laptop instead of at church. Because apparently I am no longer able to function on a normal level. Sigh.

I thought that once my symptoms were under control and I was keeping food down I'd be good to go. I'd have energy and I would be able to, with some adjustments, live my life. Dead wrong. I had a good couple of weeks, and now I'm back to being frustratingly limited. I haven't even done that much today. Ben miraculously slept until 7:15. I went over the calendar for the next week, made a grocery list, and had a "meeting" with Matt about making space for Baby Girl's things and getting everything ready for his trip (which was postponed a week). All of this happened sitting at the kitchen table. We ran a few errands then came home within two hours. I cleaned Ben's closet and drawers and put in Baby Girl's few things. Then I made lunch and we went to the park for a picnic and "digging for treasure." Then we came home, played, and took a nap. Okay, so the morning was pretty busy, but the afternoon has been low key. Except for the laundry when Ben (as he does almost every day) pulled his little Ben Jr. out during nap time and peed all over the bed. And making dinner. Okay, so I'm not exactly putting my feet up all day. But I'm not running a marathon either. Honestly, I feel like I should be able to get a few things done without my body completely shutting down on me. But alas, alack, here I am, on husband-imposed bed-rest instead of at church because I can't run errands and do laundry in the same day. I haven't been to church in a couple of months because on any given weekend Ben and/or I are ill. My relationship with God is fine--I'm capable of sustaining it when I can't spend time in a physical church building. But my social life no longer exists. I need to see other adults and have conversations about things other than Backyardigans. And I need to feel like a productive member of society. Instead I feel like a drain on society. Like a parasite that lives on the couch and is incapable of performing the most simple tasks without needing to take a nap every thirty minutes. I could seriously go to bed right now, at 5:50pm, and sleep until Tuesday. That is how tired I am. Pathetic.

Because you're tired of my whiny posts, I shall leave you with a few happy thoughts. Tonight at dinner Ben sang the Vegitales song like a swamp monster, and right now he's running around the house in my floral sandals, singing a pirate song, distributing dinosaur cards, occasionally taking a break to stick one in his pocket. He slept in past 7 and took an almost-two-hour nap. Glory Hallelujah. Please say his sleep strike is over. And please say that he will be this awesome forever, because this hysterical little guy is one of the three greatest lights of my life.

(Side note: earlier this week I posted pics of Baby Girl, and I tried to post the link on Facebook but it wasn't working. So if you haven't seen that post, click here.)

It's a....

GIRL!!!!

Can't wait to meet you, little miss! Also, that dance party you held during the ultrasound showed great promise. You have some sweet moves, sister.

Same and Different

Things that are the same:

::Off the Zofran. Back to puking. Can't wait to call later today.

::Ben's freakish new sleep life. Yesterday he woke up at 5:15. I ignored his pleas, and he fell back asleep until I woke him from the dead at 7:15. But then he wouldn't nap at daycare. At all. He cried for an hour and a half until I picked him up instead. This morning he woke up at 6:15. Better than 5:15, but still not good. Sigh. Martial Law is in place until 7:00am. No TV, lights, toys, or food until the timer goes off. This is Ben, on his stool, trying to get to the timer:

(imagine him saying, whilst reaching, "Mommy come on, now. You need to come on, now.")

::The Mt. Everest of grading that occupies my classroom and my life.

::The best husband in the world. On Sunday, our last full day together as a family before his trip, the sleep deprivation knocked me out. After I wrote my whiny post, I stood up, almost fainted, started to cry, and Matthew urged me to go to bed. I took two two-hour naps that day while my holy saint of a spouse parented in my stead.

Things that are different:

::My glasses. I have had the same pair for years, and since they're my spare pair that only gets worn at night before bed and first thing in the morning, I haven't felt like taking the time or effort or money to get new ones. Well, they broke. So we taped them together. For several months.

I finally got sick of them falling off my face, so I bit the bullet and got new ones. It is miraculous. 

::My computer. I don't use my laptop very often, so when I took it to work to do a Renaissance art powerpoint I was dismayed to discover that it was no longer alive. Matt needs to take one on his trip and I need it for work, so we sadly took some of our tax money and bought a new one. I say sadly because we had other things planned for the money. But hey, now I have new glasses and a new computer. I'll take it.

::This afternoon we find out what kind of bell pepper we're having! So excited.

How the Two Boys I Love Most in this World Are Slowly Killing Me

I'm tired. Exhausted. Sleepy. Like literally I could go to sleep at any given moment of any day. Because of two people, both handsome gentlemen with whom I share a residence, that love me but don't know how to show it at night.

Matt snores. Like an army of lumberjacks taking down the rain forest. All night. I've tried sleeping on the couch on the bad nights, but even with the bedroom door closed I can hear him. And the couch is uncomfortable. So really I can't win. On top of it, Benjamin is on a sleep strike. He goes to bed just fine, and sleeps decently through the night. But he wakes up at 5:00, maybe 5:45 when I'm lucky. And he now only takes a half a nap. Here's the deal--if he were doing this and still functioning normally, I would be bummed but I would accept the fact that my child doesn't need as much sleep as I wish he did. Unfortunately, that is not the case. Any time we get in the car, no matter what time of day, he falls asleep. Even if it's for a five minute drive to the store. Additionally, any moment of the day that he is not falling asleep he's whining, screaming, yelling, throwing things, and in generally acting like Satan. Obviously he is in tune with his sleep needs.

We've tried putting him to bed later. No dice. We've instituted martial law before 7am--no TV, no toys, no lights, no food. Seriously, his only options are to go to sleep or lay there bored out of his mind for two hours. Guess what he picks? We haven't made it yet to Home Depot to get the nightlight on a timer deal, but given his response to every other measure we've taken, I have serious doubts as to whether or not it will work.

So between the snoring and the early waking and growing a person, I honestly haven't slept in weeks. Right now I actually feel like I might fall out of this chair. I can't drink coffee, I can't take sleeping pills...I'm just left to lie there all night, listening to the chainsaws and waiting for the "Mommy!" alarm and thinking about how in 22 weeks I will also be getting up every hour and a half to feed a screaming newborn, who, given my luck, will, like his or her brother, have colic. I am in hell.

Wheezy

Today I stayed home with Benjamin because his cold turned nutty last night with a high fever and wheezing. This morning the doctor said he's good, which is great because I hate it when he gets nasty sick, but lame because I couldn't really afford to take an unnecessary day off of work. But here we are, so we're making the best of it.

Your Weekly Serving of Ben-isms

Ben starts randomly laughing at the dinner table for no reason.

Matt: What's so funny?
Ben (completely deadpan): I'm funny.

"I love this pillow pet. It's my favorite pillow pet. Pillow pet, I love you!"

And the winner...


"Look at all the queers!" (squares)