Supermodel

Ben has really been into whispering lately. It’s pretty dang cute. So last week he whispers in my ear, “Mommy, I think I need to go to the zoo tomorrow.” Not want, need. Love it. But I’m also kind of sad because we just let our zoo memberships expire, and there’s no way in Hades we’re spending 3 hours round trip in the car to pay up the butthole to see some elephants. Luckily for us, there’s a tiny little zoo that costs $2 at my favorite park, which is only 20 minutes away. And luckily for us, he’s 3, so if we work this right he may not be disappointed that said zoo contains none of his favorite zoo animals. It’s a local animal rescue zoo, so pretty much there’s a couple of bears, some snakes, and a few donkeys. But there’s a goat petting zoo, so maybe that will tide him over. Plus the park has a train. So I’m thinking we’ll be able to pull this off with minimal disappointment. I was right. He had a blast. We got off to a dubious start when both kids fell asleep in the car on the way there. But during the walk to the zoo he perked up and got excited.

He had a brief moment or two where he wondered where all the animals were. But that was over once he got to pet a snake. We had to drag him away from the snake so we could get to the train in time to ride it and be home for naps.

While Ben went to the bathroom halfway through our walk from the zoo to the train, Emma and I took some pictures. Man, this girl is cute (and THANK YOU Lindsay for the adorable dress).

We got an extra bonus with this adventure because we unknowingly stumbled upon the railroad’s 16th anniversary party. We actually never ended up riding the train (mostly because the line was out of control). Instead we just ran around the little party area, thankfully avoiding the bounce houses (B loves them, but he almost always gets hurt).

On our way out, a woman asked Ben if he would pose for a picture for the website if she gave him ice cream. What a stupid question. Of course he wants ice cream. Of course I wouldn’t have bought one for him so close to his nap, so this is the only way that would have happened. Also, this lady has no idea what she’s in for trying to get Ben to pose for a picture. There’s a good reason we don’t have many pictures of Ben these days. The child doesn’t pose for anything. So the next five minutes was pretty funny. She offered him a Big Stick, which he gladly accepted. Then she asked him to stand there, hold his opened popsicle at waist-level, and smile. That’s funny. You want to hand a three-year-old a popsicle then ask him to just hold it and smile and not eat it. But he really tried. She told him to hold it in front of his belly button. That put the forbidden fruit about three inches from his mouth. So he held it by his belly button, put his chin to his chest, and stuck out his tongue, trying to lick it without moving it. Hysterical. She kept insisting that he not try to eat it. Ben would hold it, smile for a millisecond, then once again try to lick it while holding it at his waist. Like he was trying to sneak a taste and still follow directions. I was trying to get him to follow her instructions, but at the same time wondering what this woman’s drug of choice was to lead her to believe she could give a three-year-old an ice cream and have him not eat it. I also wondered why she couldn’t just get a picture of him eating the ice cream. Or one of him trying to eat it at waist-level? She got a couple dozen of those pictures, but I guess she really wanted one of him just smiling about the ice cream he wasn’t allowed to eat. So I’m laughing, and getting annoyed with this lady who’s never met a child, and trying to get Ben to do it so we could go. I really wanted to take a picture, but I didn’t want to be rude and steal her job. Eventually Matt started acting like an idiot to make him laugh, which worked. She got her shot. Ben finally got to eat his Big Stick (which, by the way, seriously?!?!? Big Stick?!?!? Who created these things, a bunch of drunk frat guys daring each other to see how far they could take their phallic dessert?). We got home in time for a nap which, predictably, he did not take because he was all doped up on sugar.

Adventure.