Last Days of Summer

I've been absent. It's not you, it's me.

I'm not going to bother telling about all of our awkward and embarrassing moments, small and big adventures, and miscellaneous thoughts and feelings. Eventually I'll get around to reviewing and cleverly narrating the last few Hometown Tourist destinations in our busy-bee summer. But now it's time to do a little bit of what we in the teaching biz call "reflection." I'm sure you're familiar with the word, but you are probably not aware of how and why I loath it. A big shout-out to BTSA for that one (more shouting at about BTSA another day).





My summer ends a week from today. This is
bittersweet for me. I'm not going to get into my whole "oh woe is me, working mom, blah blah blah" speech (although it's tempting). There has been an embarrassing quantity of times this summer when I have keenly felt the time pass, and I could have thrown myself face-down on the kitchen floor and pitched a decent toddler tantrum at the thought of the ever-nearing closure of summer. But I'm not there anymore (mostly). Now I'm at the part where I'm accepting, even looking forward to, the return to reality. I am devastated at the thought of my nap Ben time coming to an end. But I really am looking forward to getting back in the classroom, sharpening those fresh pencils, flexing my educational and theatrical muscles, and meeting those 200 fresh, new faces. In all honesty I do vacillate. But none of this is new to you...love my son, love my job, dislike having to do both at the same time, blah blah blah ad infinitum.

Now that I'm nearing the end, though, I've been reflecting on the last nine weeks. Short. Difficult. Beautiful. In many ways I've grown closer to Benjamin. Like how much we cuddle while watching Playhouse Disney. In many ways I sigh and shake my head at my serious lack of effort and poor choices. Like how much we watch Playhouse Disney. Or how often I let him play on his own while I read or knit. In many ways I completely failed at my "Summer Plan." Like how we only went to story time at the library once, only made cookies together a couple of times, only had a couple of pajama days, never once made a craft, and never once went on a "nature hike". In many ways I completely succeeded at my "Summer Plan." Like how we went to the beach at least once a week and spent endless hours playing together and going on adventures. Like how I read a million books and took a nap a few days a week.





Let's not get too carried away with the beauty--it was work. There were plenty of days where I was keenly aware of the sometimes mind-numbing tedium that is stay-at-home parenthood. There were plenty of days where I would have loved to off-load the kiddo to grandma while I luxuriated in alone-time with a book and crappy TV. There were plenty of days where I thought that if I seriously had to clean up one more spill on the kitchen floor, change one more poopy diaper, or do Lightening McQueen's voice one more time I would put my head through a wall. But then a peanut-butter-smeared face would grin and say "Mommy cuddle," and I would melt into a puddle of love.






Up until a few years ago I had to work summers, like a lot, so there really wasn't a "summer break." After I started teaching full-time my first summer was half restful bliss (with a third-trimester hippo body), half post-partum hell. My second summer was beautiful when Ben was awake, but my nose was burried in history and economic books when he was asleep. But this summer...this summer there was no work, no CSET...just me and my little man. So here we are, on the last week of the most beautiful ten weeks of my life. I had a lot of plans; some of them happened, many of them not so much. But whatever--I got to be with the mini-love of my life, so it was darn close to perfection.

So for the next week we will soak in every beautiful moment together. We will drink in the delicious rays of the sun that finally made its appearance. I will clean and do voices, and I will finish my book. And I will pray. I will pray for myself, to be a good wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, teacher, and child of God. I will pray for my family, that my son would continue to grow to be healthy and loving, and that my husband would find the simple joys and pleasures that I have found this summer. I will pray for my students, that they will enjoy their last days of summer, know love, and have food in their bellies. I will pray for my school, for the new year, and for our hurting world.

One week more...