...in just 10 easy steps.
1. Give birth a month early so that your child is set for a host of health problems that rob you of sleep.
2. Marry a man that sleeps like the dead so that when night wakings occur you are the only one not in a coma, and therefore the only one available to hold your coughing, screaming child night after night.
3. Use up all your sick days before February ends so that you're buried in a mountain of work to be graded that haunts you all day, every day.
4. If your child wakes up at 5:15am and doesn't go back to sleep, forget to eat breakfast or pack a lunch. That way you can grab a quick, disgusting breakfast from a fast food restaurant.
5. When a co-worker offers you a pamphlet on acupuncture and a testimonial for asthma patients, break down in tears (in front of a number of co-workers) and sob hysterically.
6. Make your way to your classroom where you can cry it out in peace, then don't close your door all the way so that your students walk in on you bawling your dramatic head off.
7. Go to the teacher next door and choke out "I need a video" then, of course, cry some more. Because you literally have no control over your emotions at this point.
8. Let your kids watch The Sword in the Stone all day while you clean out your desk in the corner.
9. When your principal comes in during aforementioned non-school-approved film to see if you know that your co-worker/friend that has cancer will most likely not live to see Easter, start to cry again. Before she even gets a chance to talk about the terminal cancer.
10. When a student asks if you can fast-forward through the opening credits, tell him to go outside, then forget he's there. All period.
I believe this is the assistance you've been looking for in your quest to becoming a super-star. It helps if you do these things during a budget crisis when every teacher in your state is in danger of losing their job. That way you can feel secure that your job is in no way in jeopardy because you're emotionally unstable.
You're Welcome.
I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life...to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. ~Henry David Thoreau
1 comment:
Aw, I'm so sorry. :( I wish I could do something to help. I'm praying for you.
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